march on, little soldier girl.

Where did time go to? Too soon, it's already March. Scary Mary.

So, now that I'm done with school, I suddenly have too much time on my hands. Signed up for oil painting classes and so far so good. Erm, at least the first lesson was ok hahaha. Am in a jaunty mood this week. Why? I'll tell you why. I met up with L on Sunday for beers and I was just happy being there. For once, there was no one around and I had his sole attention the whole time. No, I'm not an attention-seeking whore but I cannot put into words how the constant eye contact gave me goosebumps to no end. In a good way of course.

We wanted to go for karaoke, but the two K Boxes that we went to closed down. It's almost like a conspiracy I tell you. Well, I'm supposed to plan a sesh soon anyways. The icing on my already pleased cake was the hug he gave me before we parted ways. Ok it sounds loserish on screen but if you only know how much I am into this dude you will understand why. Let's just say I wish I never had to shower again, but the effect from that would repel not only him, but the world and her mother away from me.

Such utter bliss. If I die now, I will leave without regrets. What more can I ask for? Actually.... There's a lot that I can ask for but I cannot be too greedy and learn to be content with what I have. This way, I will feel less pain when it is taken away from me because I never really owned it in the first place.

I took one step forward and suddenly, I have retracted 12 steps. Not that I'm complaining, but I'm a little afraid that it will become increasingly difficult to move on. When I eventually want to. When that happens, I'm sure there will be a lot of "I told you so" buzz around me.

Well, well, look who we have here. It's none other than Little Miss Irony. At least that's better than total deference. Right?

2012.

Happy New Year.

My year didn't start off that great but I hope it did for you. And you. And you.

obsession.

HOMAIGAWD! It's been almost four months since I last blogged. Ok as promised, I got 67 for ICM and a first ever D for NMT. I know it sounds loserish but really not easy to score for comms subjects ok. The 12 weeks came and went like the wind, and I guess I'll never see L again.

There was one point in time where I thought about 'pursuing' him aggressively after I completed school. After all, once I'm done, we no longer have a lecturer-student relationship. BUT. Kavi expressed her disappointment in me because he is not single. At first I didn't care, but upon greater thought, I asked why have I lost some of my morals and principles. Also, upon advice from Pi, she has been hinting at me he's not all what I imagine him to be, and that I deserve better. And, let's face it. He knows I'm damn into him yet told me he will eventually marry that woman.

Then, I kinda woke up. But a part of me is still upset that I'm giving up even without trying. After all, what's the worse that could happen? Him rejecting me, period. But but but but but. There's so many buts. As you can see, I am extremely confused. I don't know what I want and I cannot make up my fickle mind either.

On a separate note, I'M DONE WITH SCHOOL! FOR GOOD!!! YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As much as I used to complain about school and what a no-lifer it made me, I think I will honestly miss it. All the friends I've made, lecturer to ogle, self-motivation blah de blah de blah. And, I also think it's time for a change of scene on the job front if they are not going to review my pay. My boss actually told me now I'm over-qualified. Which sounds like a damn big hint that my pay will not be revised.

This is way too depressing for a Friday. I am fucking sleepy though I have work to do. Can I please go hide in the loo and nap?

drowsy not from drink.

How time flies. In my last post I mentioned how I was finding it a challenge in school and guess what, the term is over! Waiting for results to be released now and in about three weeks, school will commence for the final time. Why did I say final time? I have decided to chiong my last three modules instead of waiting another nine months. God bless me.

BUT, I AM EXTREMELY HAPPY CAN!! BECAUSE THE MAN OF MY DREAMS WILL BE LECTURING NEXT SEM!!! See, even the mere mention of him brings about the image of rainbows!!

I can't wait! It's going to be the next best 12 weeks of my life!!! However, on the other hand, I will miss attending Pi's class as well........ Life's like that, you can never have the best of everything.

As I'm typing, I'm waiting for the effects of the flu medication to kick in. Doctor said it will knock me out. But, how do I know when it is taking effect? When I'm sleepy??? I think it's coming soon I feel a little drowsy. And my eye. Good lord I make the perfect poster girl for those horror movies. It is scarily red. And the WHOLE eyeball is red where it's supposed to be white. Even I'm a little freaked out looking at it. It's not itchy but it hurts. Each time my focus shifts or if I'm exposed to light, I get a throbbing pain. Ok I just made myself sound like a vampire.

I feel a little cold. Please please please don't let this morph into a fever, I need to go back to work. By the way, I totally sound like an ah kua now so I am not picking up any calls. Ok I am going to space out and wait for the meds to kick in. Will update about my results when I receive it. Ta. 

the story about feelings.

Because i'm so bored at work, i decided to blog. Then i decided to look through some of my older entries and i have only one conclusion. I think i'm a nutter. I was actually giggling to myself at some point because i sounded so ridiculous! Seriously wonder how my mind works sometimes.

Realised i have grown up. And there are many emo posts about him which are dumb. Cos why would i dedicate so much blog space for an ass??

Let me tell you something else- HE IS HISTORY.

I now have the man of my dreams to lust over. So unattainable, but so desirable. Isn't that the way the story always goes? We always want something/someone we cannot have. Omg that just sounded like slut talk for a moment. And that's all it's going to remain. Will never potong jalan anyone's bf/mf/husband because i so believe in divine retribution. And anyway it's all one-sided on my part. What??! *defensive* Beautiful things/people are meant to be admired/lusted over, no?

I get to see him tonight! *whoops and runs around the room* We are going for drinks. Carmen, Pi, L and myself. I didn't wanna go at first cos 1. it's only Monday, 2. we are meeting after class which will be late, 3. am sure i'll have to drag my sorry ass out of bed tomorrow, 4. i might not be able to make it to the end of the week alive. But Carmen kept hounding me and wouldn't take no for an answer even though i told her to go ahead without me but she kept nagging me haha so i said ok.

Mildly excited even though i have all my reservations on why tonight is not gonna be a good night, that tonight's not gonna be a good good night (sing along to BEP's i gotta feeling). Hope i don't die tomorrow.

Speaking of dying, i'm this close to it. Am having trouble with this sem's modules. Have no idea what goes on in NMT, and totally have no feel about the issue i chose for my individual assignment in ICM. I originally chose to do world poverty and hunger, but Pi said i might run into problems when i start my research proper as there isn't much info and stats. So after much research for initial legwork and i swear to god i was on the verge of slamming my head on the floor, i decided on teenage sexuality. Which has been approved. Thing is, i don't feel strongly about this subject. Heck i don't even care about this topic.

Seriously these promiscuous teens can just go have sex, catch STDs, become preggers and die for all i care. If they want to be stupid and ignorant, who are we to stop them? It's not a criteria to like the subject, but i just think that i would put in my entire heart and soul if i feel for the topic.

So i'm not a happy camper. Can't wait for this sem to be over. Waitaminute, i think i said that last sem too. Ok let school quickly be over please. But.... Once school is officially over, it would mean i would officially not get to see l anymore. Not that i'm seeing him this sem, but there's a teeny weeny chance he'll come back next sem.

Ahhh going into whiny mode again. Must stop.

I have not gone clubbing for a very long time. Last time was last November during my birthday. Wayyyyyy too long. I wanna go sit there like an ah pek with a bottle of Martell, bop my head and even have the option to shake my booty if i feel like it.

Realised i keep talking about my 'feel' this post. Enough of feeling. I wanna go pee.

Ta for now.